Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: Very ...

I don't really know where to begin... 5 yrs ago my husband and I sold our business. It was very profitable and being in our mid 30's we should have been set for life. My husband had worked so very hard for the 10 years that we owned the business. He did the work of 3 men and nothing stood in the way of his work. Workaholic does not even touch on the amount of hours he put in. Over time, he began to resent me and our children for being home. We had the means to do various things, but he would never leave the business. He missed birthdays, anniversaries, family gatherings, almost all social activities. I stopped pursuing friendships as I always felt that I was letting people down if we were invited somewhere and I had to always say "no". He would lay huge guilt trips if the kids and I did anything that made it so that we were "having a life" while he worked his fingers to the bone and sacrificed himself for the family. It never mattered that we could have done some things differently and that he didn't have to work like that. The kids and I attended church weekly and though at one point he did accept Jesus, he has never intentionally followed Him. He has made sure that our kids attended Christian private schools and stressed how we needed to be good people, but it was like it never applied to him.

When we sold our business and moved to a new city. He took 2 yrs off. He was adamant that I go back to work IMMEDIATELY once we moved. I had worked on and off during the years. I love to work and am very diligent and hard working. We have twin sons that have severe dyslexia and other learning differences. I spent all of their childhood advocating for them in school and trying to find a better way for them to be educated. My husband found it frustrating when he needed me to do things for him during his work schedule that he would have to wait for me to finish my work day. We decided I would stay home. Everything that I did revolved around supporting him in his work and making sure he had everything he needed the minute he needed it. Or he would be really mad.

During his 2 yrs off he had a 1 night stand and started to gamble. I was not aware that this was happening at the time. I had gone to work full time as he resented the years he had worked and said that I had done nothing. While I worked, I still advocated for our sons with disabilities, made sure our younger daughter had what she needed and took care of everything in the home. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. At the end of the 2 yrs he decided to buy another company that was in a different community. By then I knew about the one night stand and he had been so broken up about it and confessed it to me and seemed genuinely remorseful. I was concerned about buying the business and did not feel that it was a wise decision. But it was what he wanted to do and did his best to assure me that everything would be okay. During this time my sister was battling cancer and lived 11 hours away by car. I made as many trips to see her as I could as she had 3 younger children. I needed to cram a lifetime of visits into a very short amount of time. My sister died a year after we bought the business and I found out 2 weeks after her death that my husband was having an affair and had been living in the other community basically as if he was single. He still strung me along though. Now, 3 yrs later, we have closed the other business and his gambling has cost us almost all of our savings. He says that he is the one that worked so hard and it's his money and that the only reason I am with him is for the money. (we dated in high school and stayed together, he had nothing in high school, so try another one!) I feel like I have tried to love him through so much. I used to feel such terrible guilt for being the Christian and wanting to get out of this dysfunctional marriage. We are in complete limbo. Depending on what day it is, he loves me, but if I stand up and call him on the garbage, or confront him about the gambling, he just gets mad and walks away. He has said that he is willing to go for counseling, but he has completely emotionally checked out. We are sleeping in separate rooms and this doesn't even bother him. I flip flop back and forth between wanting to run as fast as I can the other direction and saving our marriage. I feel like I wasted my youth and now at 40 have little means to walk away. So confused!

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/22768

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